Release of Feelings

So this post strays away from my little family a little but it's helping me to get past something. Everyone who reads this blog most likely knows that I have a part of family who I have never really been associated with because they deny me. Well, now that I am 25 years old, and have a family of my own, I decided to give myself closure. To do this, I am sending that family, who consists of my biological father and his parents, a birth announcement of mine and Aaron's son, and a letter to explain how i feel about them. I am going to post what i put in that letter on here and this is my way of letting it all out so i can move on. I realized a long time ago that I didn't need them in my life and I still don't because I have plenty of family and friends, so it's time to let go completely. Here is the letter that it being sent with the announcement:

Dear Don and Jean,

Upon receiving this announcement, you will probably think that I sent it in hopes that I would get something in return. The truth is, there is nothing in this world that I want or need from you. I have everything I need and the sole purpose of this letter is to let you know that you have a Great Grandson and to ask you to let Michael know that he has a Grandson. It’s also to get a few things off my mind so I can give myself closure and move forward.

I spent too many years wondering why your family stopped wanting anything to do with me, so this will be the last attempt I make at contacting you. The only person who has been decent to me is Donnie. He is the ONLY one who will say hi to me if he runs into me. What’s funny is, even though I was so young, I remember things. I remember going to the post office to see Don and him putting me on the counter to give me tootsie rolls. I also vividly remember Tana coming to Tyee Bowling Alley to visit me one time when I was there with Pam in the nursery while Grant and Jeanie bowled. Then all of a sudden it just stopped. I can’t be positive but I’m pretty sure that it had to do with the fact that my mom was pursuing child support, and you know, that’s fine with me. I look at it like it’s your family’s loss that a man needing to take care of his responsibilities but not wanting to, kept you from getting to know me. It’s pretty pathetic that the only thing that sticks in my mind when I think about you, is when I called you for medical history when I was 15 years old because I was having surgery and the first words out of your mouth, Jean, were “What do you want, Money?” That really hurt me. The fact that child support was owed was something that was between my mother and Michael, it shouldn’t have been taken out on me.

Since you missed out on everything in my life, and I don’t expect that you’ll be in my life in the future, let me tell you a little about me, your granddaughter. I’m 25 years old now and grew up into a pretty decent woman. I never got into drugs (which is more than I can say about Michael and he was the one who told me that the ONE time I met him when I was 15, so please don’t assume that my mom was putting things into my head because she didn’t) Actually, in spite of the way he and your family has denied me almost my whole life, she never said anything bad about him or you, other than never hiding it from me that Michael owed money for child support. I graduated high school and I even went to college. I have a good job, a wonderful man and now a beautiful baby boy.

I find it very sad, pathetic and pretty darn ridiculous that two grown people will do anything to make it a point to avoid me. For example, when I worked at Donna’s and was switched to the morning shift; Pam told me you guys were in there all the time. That all changed when you realized I worked there now didn’t it? Don came in for coffee about twice and then I never saw you guys there again. I’m thinking that wasn’t a coincidence.

For that reason, my son will most likely never know you existed, just as you have pretended that I don’t exist. He has plenty of family and doesn’t need to know about you and all the hurt your family has caused me all these years. I didn’t deserve it and he won’t know about it.

I don’t know if Michael has any other children, but, if he does, I pray that he and your family treat that child/children better than you treated me.